Prologue

Lexington, Missouri, 1865

“We’re over, Anna.”

Those three words didn’t really register in Anna’s mind. They just didn’t make sense, yet she had heard them coming out of Samuel’s mouth. She blinked a few times and stared at him, wondering if she had imagined it.

But she hadn’t. Not if the expression on Samuel’s face was anything to go by. He didn’t appear to have jested about that.

Her mouth had gone dry. She swallowed, but it just made her throat hurt.

“What did you say?” she croaked. “What are you talking about?”

“We’re done.” Samuel sounded so matter-of-fact, no emotion on his face. It was like he was a blank slate. “You and I are not courting anymore. We won’t be getting married.”

When she received a message from him that morning asking her to come to his home so he could talk to her, Anna assumed it was so she would finally be introduced to Samuel’s parents as his fiancée. They had been courting for the last four months, and he had proposed to her only the week before. When she had talked about meeting each other’s parents properly—they knew each other socially, but nobody knew about Samuel and Anna’s courtship—he had told her it would happen in plenty of time, and she didn’t need to worry about it.

Never, in her wildest dreams, did she expect that Samuel would abruptly break off their engagement.

She looked around at their garden. As soon as she arrived, Samuel led her outside, saying that he wanted a private moment alone, and he didn’t want his mother to overhear them with her ability to eavesdrop. Had he brought her outside to break the bad news to her so she couldn’t draw attention to them? They were far down at the bottom end of the garden.

“But why?” Anna felt sick, and she pressed a hand to her stomach. “Why would you break it off? It’s only been a week!”

“And it’s best to do it now instead of further down the line, nearer the wedding day itself.”

“But that doesn’t tell me why you want to break it off with me,” Anna protested. “You and I were going well. I thought…”

Samuel snorted, and Anna fell silent. He looked like he didn’t care that she was close to having hysterics. Where was the sympathetic, kind man she knew, the man she had been seeing romantically over the last few months?

“You think things were going well, Anna? Do you have no idea what’s been going on?”

“I honestly—”

“If you’d actually made yourself a better person, you would’ve had me wanting to marry you. But you didn’t.”

Anna felt like she was being tugged one way and then the other without warning. What was he talking about?

“I’m sorry?” She frowned. “What are you saying? I am a good person. How can I make myself any better?”

Samuel rolled his eyes and folded his arms. Anna was beginning to wonder how she had found him attractive when he was behaving like this.

“You’re not what I would want as a wife.”

“I’m not what?”

“You’re talkative, strong-minded, and you’re not about to let anyone tell you what to do without having an opinion about it. Those are not good qualities of a woman.”

Anna bristled. How could he say something like that? Was he going mad?

“But you didn’t have a problem with it in the beginning,” she pointed out, her shock turning into annoyance. “You liked it when I stood up to you. You said that it made me look fiery, and you found that attractive. It’s why you approached me in the first place!”

“Is that how it happened?” Samuel arched an eyebrow. “I seem to remember that you were pursuing me in the first place, and I simply agreed.”

Anna couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Was he trying to erase her memories? She jabbed a finger at him.

“Oh, you don’t get to turn that around on me, Samuel! My memory is not bad enough that you can rewrite history. You approached me, and you were the one who kept asking to go out with me until I gave in and said yes. I didn’t even want to be courted at that point, but you won me over.”

“That’s what happened, is it?”

“I’m not about to lie about who approached whom, am I? You know I’m not a liar, and I wouldn’t say anything different when I’m aware of it. You’re the one who approached me, asked to court me, and the one who asked me to marry you? Why are you trying to change it now? What’s happened that you’re attempting to forget that you and I were together for four months?”

Samuel sighed, a tic appearing on his cheek. Was he clenching his jaw? He often did that when he was annoyed. Anna glared at him, wanting answers. She was confused and upset, and anger was beginning to join in. She couldn’t believe he was talking to her as if they were strangers again.

“Things have changed, Anna,” he said blandly. “I courted you because that’s what you wanted—”

“Spare me what you think I wanted!” Anna shot back. “You wanted to court me, not the other way around.”

“Even so, things have changed. And I’m not going to continue trying to make you into the lady you should be.”

“The lady I should be?”

Samuel looked her up and down, and Anna felt as if he was inspecting her like a piece of meat hanging in the shop. How could she have been in love with this man?

“You’re supposed to be sweet and demure, and do what you’re told without argument. But you like to talk back and give your own opinion. You stand up for people when you should defer to the man.”

Anna blinked.

“And that’s bad enough that you want to break our engagement? Because you’re supposedly ashamed of me?”

“That’s pretty much it.” Samuel nodded toward his house. “You think I can introduce you to my parents when you’re like this? They want an ideal woman who follows her husband’s orders. You don’t do that.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Anna demanded. “Am I not allowed to have a personality?”

Samuel didn’t answer, but she could tell what the answer was. He had intended to make sure she couldn’t answer back. He wanted her to keep her mouth shut and just get on with what she was told. That wasn’t something she would do. She would absolutely not become a silent slave.

She put her hands on her hips.

“So you wasted my time, did you? After saying to me last week that you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me?”

“I was lying.” Samuel barely blinked as he said that. “I thought I’d be able to change you so you would become what I want in a wife, but soon after I proposed to you, I realized that I’d done the wrong thing. It’s not going to happen anymore, not when you’re unable and unwilling to change.”

Anna felt like she was still dreaming. She was tempted to pinch herself to see if she was actually awake. What was happening? Why had Samuel taken a leave of his senses?

“I can’t believe you managed to stop loving me so quickly,” she said quietly. “Or did you never love me? Because of the way you behaved in the beginning, I’m really surprised that you’re saying you don’t want to marry me anymore. Anyone would think, witnessing you in the beginning, that it was all you wanted.”

“Things change, Anna. You’re going to have to get used to it.”

“You can’t simply break things off out of nowhere without giving me a good reason for it!”

Samuel pressed his lips tightly together. He didn’t look impressed that she was fighting back.

“Did I ask you to have an opinion about it?” he asked tightly. “Why do you have to be so immature about this?”

“Immature?” Anna cried. “You just broke things off with me so suddenly and without warning, and you’re calling me immature? Why don’t you be a proper man and actually tell me the real reason you don’t want to marry me anymore? Because this response is telling me you’re not being truthful.”

Samuel looked as if he might argue further, but then he growled and glanced toward the house. Anna found herself following his gaze, and she saw two women stepping out onto the terrace. One was Samuel’s mother, a tall, slender woman with black hair pinned away from her face, looking graceful in a dark green dress. The other woman was closer to Anna’s age and very pretty, with curly golden hair that fell in tresses down her back. She wore a pale blue gown that fitted her perfectly.

Neither seemed to notice Anna and Samuel further in the garden, partially obscured by a tree and its low overhanging branches.

For a moment, Anna thought that the young woman was Samuel’s sister, only to recall that he didn’t have any sisters. Then it sank in what was really happening. She stared at him, but the man who had claimed to love her only the week before gave her a stony stare.

“That’s your new girl, is it?” Anna pointed toward the pair on the terrace. “You’re interested in her? Were you seeing her when you were seeing me?”

“I’ve got to keep my options open, haven’t I?”

Anna reeled back, staring at him in horror.

“You don’t deny it?”

“Why would I? Mother approached me last month and said that I need to find myself a wife and settle down, and she pointed me toward Ruth Prescott. She’s the daughter of a wealthy man, and she would be beneficial in becoming my wife.”

Anna felt her stomach knot tightly, her throat closing up. He was more interested in having a rich wife than marrying for love? Did he even know what the word meant?

“Does she know that you asked me to marry you last week?” she asked. “Is your mother aware that you were courting someone else?”

“No, and she’s not going to know.” Samuel looked her up and down. “You try to say otherwise and claim that I asked you to marry me, I’ll deny it and call you insane. Nobody’s going to listen to a woman who’s seen as a liar and just wants to cause trouble.”

Anna’s mouth dropped open.

“You wouldn’t,” she whispered.

“You think I won’t? Just try it. Mother and Father don’t know about you, and they won’t believe you if you tell them. Especially when I’ve been seeing Ruth for the last month.” Samuel turned away. “Now get off my property, or I’ll have you forcibly removed. That would be embarrassing for you, wouldn’t it?”

Anna watched him walk away, striding confidently across the grass toward the terrace. His mother saw him approach and gave him a warm smile. Anna saw the smile returned as Samuel leaned over to kiss her cheek. Then he greeted Ruth with a demeanor that she recognized all too well. It was the same way he treated her when they had been courting.

It was as if he had shut off all his emotions regarding her to give them to someone else.

Anna didn’t want to see the sickening sight any longer. It would make her lose her temper, and she would be seen as a madwoman. Slipping away, she left the garden by keeping to the edge, hurrying along the wall. She couldn’t go through the house; otherwise, she would’ve been noticed, but there was a door that the gardener used in the wall that opened up onto a path through a field and came out on the same street as her own home.

Even though they lived close to each other, it was almost as if Samuel and Anna’s families were worlds apart. Samuel came from money, and while Anna’s family was relatively well-off, it wasn’t on the same scale. It was not something Anna cared about. In her mind, love didn’t care about that, and she certainly didn’t.

Samuel, evidently, did. But if that was the case, why did he bother with flirting with her and pursuing her until Anna gave in and agreed to court him? Why would he waste four months of her life by doing this?

She couldn’t believe she had been taken in like that. She had opened up her heart and given it all, only for it to be stomped on and thrown back at her.

Now she felt like a fool.

Anna was still numb as she entered her house, the silence ringing in her ears as she shut the door. It had been twelve years since her mother passed away, but Anna had never gotten used to how quiet it was. Her father had pulled himself away and focused on his work and interests, not bothering with Anna at all, and leaving her to be raised by their housekeeper. Then, when the lovely woman passed away last year, it was just the two of them, and her father still didn’t acknowledge her except in passing.

Anna was used to it, but she wished he would just talk to her. She couldn’t try with him all the time, and right now, she needed her father to be there for her, especially after having her heart broken.

Just as she was thinking whether to go looking for him, Jacob Turner left his study, his nose practically in the book in his hands, adjusting his spectacles. He stopped when he caught sight of Anna, blinking in surprise.

“Anna. I wasn’t expecting you to be back so soon.”

“Something bad happened, Pa.”

“What?”

Even as she spoke, Anna could tell that he was uninterested. Tears filled her eyes, and she could feel the floodgates wanting to open, although whether it was from her father’s lack of empathy or Samuel’s cruel rejection, she wasn’t sure.

“Samuel broke off our engagement,” she whispered. “He tossed me aside for another woman.”

“Oh.” Jacob looked uncomfortable and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry about that. But these things happen, don’t they?”

Anna stared at him. How could he say that? His daughter was in tears, and that was all he could say in response? Gulping, Jacob turned away.

“If you want to be left alone, I’ll do that. You’ve got a lot on your mind.”

“But…”

He was already walking off at a hurried pace. Anna glared at his retreating back. What was wrong with being a comforting father for once in his life? Did he even care? If he did, he had a bizarre way of showing it.

Slumping to the floor until she hit the tiles with a thud, Anna leaned her head back against the door. What was she supposed to do with this now? How could she cope? She couldn’t go back into town after telling everyone that she and Samuel were now engaged. How was she supposed to explain what happened? It would be humiliating.

But she couldn’t stay here, not when her father refused to even look her in the eye.

Anna had never felt more alone.

She couldn’t stay here. She needed something better for herself, something that would make her feel better, where she was actually making a difference.

Somewhere, she wouldn’t be treated like a possession and then tossed aside when she wasn’t doing what someone wanted.

But what?

Chapter One

Nine Months Later

“Anna!”

Anna looked up from her book to see Nathaniel’s scruffy head sticking in through the flaps of her wagon.

“What is it?”

“Abigail’s nearly finished with dinner, if you want to grab what you can before it’s all gone. You know how well her food goes down.”

Anna knew all about that. Mostly because Abigail, the wagon train’s resident cook, had the ability to make what food she had go a long way. It was hard work for her, but she excelled at it. At the thought of food, Anna’s stomach started growling.

“I’m coming,” she said, closing her book and putting it aside. “Thank you for letting me know.”

The trail scout gave her an amused smile as she clambered out of the wagon, dropping lightly to the ground.

“I’m surprised you have any time to do any reading at all,” he remarked. “Don’t the travelers keep you busy enough without sticking your nose in a book?”

Anna shrugged.

“I manage. Even if it’s just a few minutes.”

“Do you hate my company that much?” Nathaniel looked mock-offended, pressing a hand to his chest. “I’m shocked that you don’t want to spend more time with me.”

Laughing, she swatted his arm. Then she walked away, heading toward where the rest of the travelers gathered around with their bowls, ready to get their portion of food. Anna snagged a bowl from a nearby table someone had set up and fell into line. It was early evening, with the sun beginning to set in the west, the warm breeze brushing across her skin. It was a pleasant moment, and Anna found herself smiling. She was surprised at how often she had been smiling since she left her hometown to come on this trail.

This hadn’t been the plan in the beginning. When she left her family home, carrying a single suitcase packed with a few clothes and some books, Anna hadn’t thought much about what would happen to her. She just headed toward the outskirts of town, wondering if she should hire a horse to the next town or get on the train.

Then she met Hiram Beckett, the man in charge of a wagon train that went along the Oregon Trail. It went all the way into the state of Oregon, people breaking off along the way when they decided to leave to find pastures anew. There was no obligation to stay on the wagon train the whole time as long as you paid for the privilege of having a small team get you there in one piece.

When she joined the wagon train with only one piece of luggage, Anna never expected to become a part of it herself. Nine months later, she had made three trips between Oregon and Missouri. She was stunned that she had done all of this when she wouldn’t have left her hometown before. Now she couldn’t think of doing anything else.

This was the best thing for her. It gave her adventure and made her feel like she had a sense of purpose. For the first time, Anna felt like she belonged.

Of course, there were a few problems, but it was nothing she couldn’t handle. Anna liked to think this had made her very independent.

She reached the front of the line, and Abigail gave her a smile as she spooned a stew into Anna’s bowl.

“This smells delicious, Abigail,” Anna said as she picked up a thick slice of bread. “My stomach’s growling.”

“Then you’d better get that down, you, darling. Unfortunately, I can’t give you any seconds.” Abigail winked at her. “Or you might be lucky.”

Anna smiled back. Normally, the second helpings were meant to be for the people traveling with them, but Abigail always sneaked a bit more for Anna whenever she could. The middle-aged woman had taken Anna under her wing almost immediately, sensing that she needed someone at her side, and she had also managed to cultivate Anna’s ability to use herbs in the healing process.

Hiram was surprised by this, not expecting a young woman from a wealthy family to know anything about herbs and medicine. It was the reason he asked if she wanted to stay on, as they needed a healer and did not want to stretch their jobs between the rest of the group. There had been no hesitation with Anna’s response.

The wagon train leader was sitting just a little way away from everyone else, leaning against a tree with a thick trunk, its leaves spread overhead to shield him from the sun. His weather-beaten face was bright red, indicating he had been in the sun for longer than he had to. Anna walked over to the heavyset man.

“Mind if I join you?” she asked.

“Not a problem, my dear.” Hiram smiled at her. “Although I would’ve thought you’d want to sit with everyone else.”

“I’m sitting with someone,” Anna pointed out, settling onto the ground beside him.

“Splitting hairs, are we?”

“It’s true.” Anna dipped her spoon into the stew and popped it into her mouth. The delicious flavors exploded in her mouth. “Much on your mind?”

Hiram grunted.

“You’re always inquisitive, aren’t you?”

“It starts a conversation.” Anna shrugged. “And I like to think I’m a good listener. I can tell there’s something on your mind, Hiram.”

The man didn’t initially answer, but Anna waited. In the time she had known the wagon train leader, she knew he liked to articulate his responses properly. He wasn’t someone who rushed into a decision of any kind. Anna liked that about him. He was like a kindly father to her, and she was aware that she leaned into it a little, so she carefully chose when she spent time with him.

“I don’t know,” Hiram finally admitted. “I mean, I don’t know how to piece everything together.”

“How do you mean?”

“You’ve done jigsaws in your time, haven’t you, Anna?”

Anna nodded.

“Of course. My mother got plenty for me when I was a child.”

“Well, my mind is a bit like a jigsaw at the moment, and it’s trying to slot the pieces into one big picture. But a few pieces are missing, and I’m struggling to figure out where they’ve gone, or how they fit into the picture in the first place.”

Anna frowned. This was a cryptic response to her question, and she wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“Are you saying that there’s something wrong with your memory?” A flash of panic shot through her. “You’re not getting ill, are you? I know if you start having memory problems—”

“No, don’t be silly,” Hiram shook his head. “Nothing like that, sweetheart. I mean that I believe something’s not quite right, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. That’s one of the jigsaw pieces that is missing, and I can’t figure out the puzzle without it.”

That made more sense, although it didn’t make Anna feel any better.

“Do you mean something’s wrong with the train itself? With the people we’re escorting?”