Prologue

Dallas, TX 1863

“Miss Sauber!” A familiar, jovial voice greeted Hannah as she entered the town square and passed the peddler. “Or should I say, Mrs. Austin?”

Hannah smiled timidly at the familiar face with ruddy cheeks and a round nose. “Oh, Mr. Clark, it won’t be Mrs. Austin for a few more weeks.” She was touched that Mr. Clark remembered her upcoming nuptials.

“It’s a shame your father won’t be at the wedding.” Mr. Clark nodded slowly, his thinning hair bobbing along. Hannah felt her throat tighten up. It didn’t matter how long it had been – any mention of her father made it feel as though it was hard to breathe. “You’ll make a beautiful bride. And he sure would’ve been happy to see you marrying John. He comes from a good family.”

Hannah excused herself politely and continued to work her way through town, eager to get her errands done quickly. What Mr. Clark said was true – John Austin was a good man. Their impending marriage was proof of that. Hannah knew John didn’t love her, just as she didn’t really love him.

Hannah caught her reflection in a store window and stopped for a moment, staring at herself. So much had changed over the last three years. Her eyes were the same, deep shade of blue that they’d always been, but they no longer held the innocence of adolescence that they used to. Her skin was no longer the same shade of porcelain that it used to be – three years of managing the ranch on her own had resulted in a smattering of freckles along the bridge of her petite nose.

Hannah wondered, not for the first time, what it was exactly that John saw in her. Despite the attention her long, chestnut hair and dark lashes garnered, she had never considered herself particularly beautiful, and that was before the last three years wore her down.

In her heart, Hannah knew exactly what John saw in her, and it wasn’t beauty. He simply saw an old friend, scared and alone after losing her parents and drowning in the debts they left behind, and promised that he would never abandon her. The proposal may have been a result of John’s pity, but she was hopeful they’d grow to love each other, as so many did.

She heard the familiar tinkling of bells as she entered the haberdashery and felt herself shrink under Mrs. Hawley’s disapproving glare. “More thread and patches, today?” Hannah noted the way Mrs. Hawley said the word “more,” as though it was a vile curse word.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Mrs. Hawley tutted as she slowly looked Hannah over from head to toe. “You’d be better off at a clothes shop. My sister could fix you up a nice dress that actually fits.”

Hannah pulled at her sleeves subconsciously. Did Mrs. Hawley think she couldn’t tell that her mother’s old dresses were too short in the arms and legs, or that they were loose around her stomach and bust?

“Unfortunately, that’s just not in the cards right now.”

Mrs. Hawley’s face changed from the haughty look to one of mock concern. “Oh yes, dear, how silly of me. It’s your mother’s old dress, yes?”

Hannah nodded.

“She wasn’t quite as tall as you, was she? Shame what happened. How long ago was the accident now?”

“Three years, ma’am.”

“Three years!” Mrs. Hawley shook her head, and the judgmental look returned. “Very sad, dear. But certainly enough time to buy a dress that fits.”

Hannah purchased her goods and continued her way through town. Relieved that the encounter was over, Hannah continued past the apothecary to her final stop at the grocer, taking in the smell of sweet fruit rising in the air as she passed the confectioner. She thought back to the countless times she’d rush to the confectioner, buying candies with the pocket money she earned from babysitting a young girl at a neighboring ranch.

That young girl was nearly grown up now. Seventeen and beautiful, Agnes MacFarlane had already earned herself a reputation in Dallas, and Hannah was unsurprised when she spotted her in the chandler, a boy’s face pressed against hers.

Oh, Agnes, Hannah thought, stifling a smile. When will you learn? Hannah wondered who it would be this time – Agnes had confided in Hannah that she was no longer interested in the son of the fishmonger, as the smell was too off-putting, and that she had no desire to be courted by anyone who worked on a ranch, as she preferred to live in town.

Agnes and the boy began to separate and Hannah stole another glance, eager to know who this mystery new beau was. Instead, her heart sunk as she recognized him.

Hannah watched John tenderly stroke Agnes’s cheek – much more tenderly than he had ever touched her – and mutter something softly in her ear.

Hannah’s entire body went numb, and she didn’t even realize that her arms had dropped to her sides, until everything she was carrying loudly crashed to the ground.

The commotion seemed to capture John’s attention, and Hannah watched him turn to the window, the soft, sweet smile still playing at the corners of his lips, until he met her eye

Hannah wanted to turn away – to run home, where she wouldn’t have to face John, or anyone else for that matter – but her body was still paralyzed, stuck in the same spot.

“Hannah,” John ran outside, and over to her, a startled look clouding the strong features Hannah had learned to find comfort in. “I can explain.”

“I don’t understand,” Hannah’s voice came out meeker than she intended it to.

She shook her head, trying to dislodge the visions she had for their future together: John moving in to take over the ranch, with her by his side; the house, which had been so quiet for the past three years, filled with laughter again, maybe even love; one day, not too long in the future, her belly would grow, and with it, their family.

But apparently this wasn’t what John wanted.

“Hannah, please,” John begged. “It isn’t what it looks like. It doesn’t mean – “

“John?” Hannah and John were so focused on each other, they didn’t even realize that Agnes had followed him outside.

“Not now, Agnes,” John’s voice was harsher than Hannah had ever heard it, and Hannah could feel Agnes’s eyes boring into her.

John reached forward to grab Hannah’s clammy hands, but she flinched away instinctively. John’s hurt at her recoil was evident on his face. She had never reacted so strongly to him before.

“I can explain,” John insisted.

What was there to explain? John didn’t love her. Their marriage was a favor to her, but now that he’d found someone he truly wanted to be with, she couldn’t expect him to follow through with their union.

“You don’t have to,” Hannah’s voice was soft and sad as she turned around and walked out of the town square, keenly aware of the shoppers and storekeeps watching her go. She didn’t even bother to pick up the items she had just purchased.

Once she was out of the town square and all of the prying eyes were no longer trained on her back, she began running, faster and faster, until she passed the worn down “Sauber Ranch” sign leading up to her house.

As she entered the home, she wished so badly she could collapse into her mother’s arms that it hurt. “All will be well,” her mother would’ve said, stroking her hair softly. “You were barking at a knot with that boy anyways.”

But her mother couldn’t comfort her – not since she broke her neck after being bucked from a horse. Her father followed his wife to the grave just a few months later, sick from a broken heart. Despite all of the hardships their deaths brought her – the failing ranch, the mountain of debts she acquired, the crushing loneliness – she had managed to survive.

There had been an ending to all her suffering in sight, and the key was her marriage to John. She’d been looking at her wedding day as a new beginning. Even if it didn’t alleviate all the difficulties, she’d be able to share the burden. She could move forward. She would be happy again.

But now, just like her parents before him, John had been stolen from her, too.

Hannah looked out at the pastures where the cattle grazed. She felt the tears streaming down her face, and made no effort to wipe them away. This ranch, this city, and all its people used to bring her so much joy. Lately, they brought her nothing but heartache.

For the second time that day, a startling realization hit Hannah, knocking the wind out of her lungs. She needed to get out of Dallas, and leave this ranch behind. There was nothing left for her here.

Chapter One

Hannah sat at the kitchen table, nervously twirling a pen, wondering what to write. Once again, she lifted the edge of the newspaper, flicking the edge of the page with her finger.

Solicits Correspondence

A bachelor, 23 years of age, former soldier for the Confederacy and ranch owner, desires correspondence with a woman between the ages of 20 and 29, object matrimony. Intelligence, kindness and knowledge of livestock indispensable. Address to Mighten Ranch, Amarillo, Texas.

Hannah read the listing several times, unsure what to make of it. She never envisioned herself a mail order bride. Then again, she never envisioned herself 26 years-old, unmarried and orphaned with a failing ranch and nothing but debts to her name. Did she really have a choice?

Still, Hannah couldn’t help but be suspicious. It was unusual that a bachelor of only 23 years would be willing to take a wife as old as 29. Most wouldn’t even consider her to be a desirable wife, and she was only 26.

Hannah took a deep breath. She couldn’t be suspicious of the few bachelors who would be willing to marry her.

She picked up her pen and began writing.

Hello,

My name is Hannah Sauber, of Dallas, Texas. I live and work on my family’s ranch, as I have for my entire life. It is a modest, but busy operation, filled with cattle, horses, and large, green pastures.

Following the deaths of both of my parents, I am finding myself unable to care for the ranch on my own, and in need of a husband to settle down with. I am able to contribute to a ranch, as well as a family.

Hannah paused, unsure of what else to write. It felt oddly formal, but what else could she say? She couldn’t pledge to love this man – she hadn’t even met him.

She wondered if she should tell him about John. It would explain why she was unmarried, and possibly make the bachelor think she wasn’t without prospects. Of course, if the bachelor knew that one fiancée had already left her, he may begin to wonder what was wrong with her. She’d have to find a way to be honest, without scaring the bachelor away.

It is one of my greatest desires to marry and have a family, and while opportunities have arisen in the past, God closed those doors for me. I’m hoping this is one He will decide to keep open.

Faithfully yours,

Hannah

Hannah sealed the envelope, and handed it to the mail wagon when it came rolling by.

Less than an hour later, Hannah was on horseback, riding around the ranch, tools in her saddle bag. She may have decided to leave, but the ranch was still hers for now, and she was going to try to take care of it.

As she spotted a section of fencing with a large gap that a small calf could easily escape through, Hannah wondered what to expect next.

Would she hear from the bachelor soon? Would he even bother to respond? The idea made her stomach squirm. There was something that felt strange about responding to an ad in a newspaper to find your husband. Even if she and John weren’t in love, they had known each other for years. They grew up together, went to school together, and had been close enough friends that she could confide her fears to him. With John, Hannah thought, she at least knew what to expect.

If she married the bachelor from the paper, she’d know nothing – not even what he looked like.

Still, as Hannah finished riding around the ranch, finding more and more fencing that needed repair, more grass that was too yellow to be grazed, and the aging livestock, no longer able to bring in substantial income, she knew more than ever that she needed the bachelor.

She loved the ranch too much to watch it fall apart, and she knew that she couldn’t take care of it on her own.

As of this moment, marrying the bachelor wasn’t her best option – it was her only one.

***

Hannah was sorting through the goods John had dropped off at her front door while she’d been off doing her morning ride. A small note was fixed to the package stating, “I must have missed you.” Hannah couldn’t help but wonder if it was on purpose – John knew what time she rode in the morning, and while he’d stopped by three times in the week since she caught him with Agnes and their engagement ended, she had never seen him in person.

The first visit was the day after Hannah had written the bachelor. She came back from her morning ride around the ranch to find all of the goods she had abandoned in town that fateful afternoon. Along with the items was a letter.

My dearest Hannah,

I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am for what you witnessed in town between myself and Agnes. It was never my intention to be led astray, and even less for you to find out.

I have ended my relationship with Agnes. I know how wrong it was, even if my intentions never were to hurt you. What I do care about is you, and the commitment we’ve agreed to make to each other.

I swore to you that I would marry you. It’s a promise that I intended to keep, should you still want me to.

With love,

John

Hannah felt herself faltering. He was still willing to be with her. She didn’t need to leave Dallas or her family home.

It was the last sentence that stopped her: “should you still want me to.” Of course Hannah still wanted him to – but she knew that, in his heart, it was not what John wanted. He vowed to take care of her, and Hannah truly believed he would, regardless of how he felt. In a war of duty and love, John would choose duty, because he was a good man.

Hannah couldn’t let him. She couldn’t be the reason he spent his life with a woman he didn’t love, if the woman he did love was still within reach.

John had stopped by again, this time leaving another letter, simply asking Hannah to talk to him.

Today, John had dropped by some food from the market, and a note explaining that he was worried about her, as nobody in town had seen her.

Hannah knew she should feel guilty for worrying John, but felt a small pang of satisfaction.

Hannah had just finished putting the groceries away when the familiar mail wagon pulled up. She walked out to meet it, taking the two letters addressed to the Sauber Ranch.

The first was from the bank, reminding her of debts that were due, no doubt. Hannah wondered how much longer she could put off making the payments before she needed to sell some of the cattle, even just to get a small break from the reminders. There would be no way to pay off the debt entirely. Not while the ranch was still failing and money was shorter than ever. The only thing she had of value to sell was the ranch itself, and she couldn’t do that until she had some place to go.

The second envelope had been stamped in Amarillo, Texas. She rushed to open it.

Hannah,

Thank you for your letter. I am intrigued by your experience working on a ranch. My ranch has been in my family for generations and is currently run by my father and I. My mother is no longer with us, and this ranch could certainly use a lady of the house.

At the mention of his deceased mother, Hannah felt her heart soften. Maybe she had something in common with the mysterious bachelor after all. If his mother had also passed, he’d surely understand her pain.

I want to be clear; living on this ranch requires hard work. It is not easy. But as an experienced rancher yourself, I’m sure it wouldn’t be anything you are not used to.

What kind of tasks are you used to completing on the ranch?

All my best,

Oscar

Oscar. Hannah turned the name over in her mouth. She didn’t know of anyone named Oscar, but decided she liked the way it sounded. Hannah had already begun to picture Oscar in her head. Now that she knew his name, he didn’t seem so mysterious at all.

Oscar,

I’m sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. I lost my mother a few years ago, when I was just 23 years old, and my father quickly followed. It left a wound I could not have expected.

Our ranch raises cattle, so I’ve spent my childhood and adult life tending to the cows, cutting hay, caring for the horses, cleaning the barns, and mending fences. No two days are alike on a ranch. I think this is why I love it so.

I also tend to the home, cleaning, making meals, and making sure my father was well cared for, when he was still with us.

I must admit, the prospect of seeing your ranch excites me. Managing so much all on my own can get lonely. It would be nice to share it with someone once again.

Faithfully yours,

Hannah

Hannah looked over the letter hastily, surprised by how vulnerable she had been. It was for the best, though. After all, she was talking about marrying this man, who she had never met. As the letter was mailed, Hannah wondered once again when she would hear back from Oscar.

***

Hannah waited impatiently for the next week and a half, wondering when the mail wagon would arrive again with another letter from Oscar.

John stopped by twice more. The first time, Hannah was still in the home, but she hid, unwilling to face him. The second, she was mercifully on the ranch, where she wouldn’t be tempted to open the door, or take him back.

With each passing visit, it became harder to resist John’s insistence that they should still get married. It would solve so many of her problems. Still, Hannah didn’t think she’d be able to forget what she saw in that town that day, or that she’d be able to keep John from living a happy life.

She was also worried. What if the bachelor didn’t write back? She didn’t have any other prospects. She could only wait so long before she’d be so worn down that she’d have no choice but to take John back, even if she believed he didn’t truly want her to.

Luckily, on the tenth day, another letter from Amarillo arrived.

Hannah,

It is good to hear of your experience on a ranch. Most women have never even ridden a horse. Ranch life would be a rude awakening for them, I fear! Our ranch sounds to be a bit larger than the one you are used to, but I have no doubt that you will fare well in Amarillo.

My father and I are the only ones managing the ranch, and as he gets older, I could certainly use more help from somebody as experienced as yourself.

I think you would be very happy in Amarillo. If we were to marry, it would be my sworn duty to protect and care for you.

And now, it seems it’s time that I have a question for you. Would you like to join me in Amarillo and become man and wife? Please send your answer immediately, and I will send money for the train.

All my best,

Oscar

Hannah could feel her ears ringing as she finished reading the letter. They barely knew each other – they had exchanged mere letters – and now she’d be moving to Amarillo to meet him and marry him, all at the same time!

A sudden pang of fear struck Hannah’s heart. What if she wasn’t what he was expecting? What if, when he saw her, he asked her to turn around and go back? What if he did make good with his promise to marry her, but, like John, decided he preferred somebody younger, more beautiful, and less depleted by the hardships she faced?

Hannah took a deep breath. The fear of what would become of her if she didn’t go was far greater.

Oscar,

I would like to humbly accept your marriage proposal. It will take me a few weeks to pack my things and prepare the ranch for its sale. I can take the train down on the 12th of next month, if that suits you.

I look forward to hearing from you and seeing you soon.

Faithfully yours,

Hannah

Hannah set the letter by the door, ready to be taken out to the mail wagon the next day. For the first time since she’d spotted John and Agnes together, she allowed herself to believe everything really could be okay.

***

Over the next week, Hannah continued caring for the ranch, wondering how she would find somebody to buy it. She knew that the land would be worth money, but didn’t know how to signal that she was interested in leaving.

However, when Oscar wrote back to her, agreeing to see her on the 12th, with money for the train stuffed into the envelope alongside the letter, she knew she needed to make the sale – and fast.

She had just set the letter on the table, wondering where to start, when she heard a knock on the door. She peeked out the window, expecting to see John attempting to talk to her again, but was surprised to see a tall man with broad shoulders who she did not recognize waiting at the door.

She wiped her hands and opened it.

“Can I help you?”

The man pulled a hat off of his head, revealing light skin and sandy blond hair.

“Is the man of the house home?”

Something about his tone put Hannah on edge. It was as though he didn’t think talking to her, any pleasantries, were worthy of his time.

“There is no man of the house.”

The man smiled. “I’m so sorry. I can certainly talk to you instead. I was wondering if you’d be interested in selling your ranch.”

Hannah’s ears instantly perked up, but she was determined not to seem too eager. She didn’t want him driving the price down.

“Why do you ask?”

“Well, miss, I’ve been looking into buying a ranch. I grew up on a ranch, you see, just east of Dallas. I always figured it would be mine one day, but my family lost the ranch to the war, when I was away fighting for the confederacy. But I still have dreams of being a rancher.”

The man spoke with longing, but Hannah couldn’t help but feel it was an act. It didn’t matter, though. She needed to sell the land, and he was a buyer.

“How much are you offering, Mr . . .?”

“Bradshaw, ma’am. Bradshaw Whitford.”

“Alright, how much are you offering, Mr. Whitford?”

“Well, I have a letter here with all of the information.”

Bradshaw handed a letter to Hannah, which she quickly read, shaking her hand.

“The land is worth at least twice this much.”

“I’m not so sure about that. It’s in bad shape. Even from the road you can see that. The cattle look elderly, some of them sick. I assume there are only a few horses.” Bradshaw trailed off.

“Do you mean for this price to include the livestock?”

“Absolutely, ma’am. The land isn’t worth much without the livestock.”

“Well, you’re not offering much.”

Bradshaw smiled, unbothered.

Hannah looked over the offer again. It was lower, much lower, than she would’ve liked. But it was the only offer she had and she wasn’t sure how soon any others would come – if they came at all.

She thought back to the recent banknote she received in the mail. The offer would be just enough to pay off the debts, with a small amount of money left over in case she needed it.

Hannah chewed on the inside of her cheek, thinking it over.

“Mr. Whitford?” Hannah started, and he smiled as though he already knew what she was going to say. “I’ll accept your offer. I’m moving on the 12th, so the ranch will be yours starting that evening. Does this work for you?”

“Absolutely, ma’am.”

“And one more thing,” it occurred to Hannah that she’d need to pay off her debts before she left. “I’ll need the payment in advance, as soon as possible.”

Bradshaw smiled, a smarmy, knowing smile and nodded before walking out to the wagon that was waiting for him.

***

Two weeks later, Hannah stood in front of the mirror, taking great care to fix her long, chestnut hair into an intricate weave of plaits and rolls. Even in her nicest dress, Hannah feared she may be less than what Oscar desired. Her boots had been thoroughly scrubbed, but they were still adorned with the permanent stains that went along with living on a ranch

She wore her nicest linen dress, with a thick petticoat underneath, but it was still just slightly too short for her long legs, and slightly too big around at her small waist.

After Hannah had finished getting ready, she walked to the front hallway. Her suitcase was packed and sitting neatly next to the door, ready to go. It was all she’d be taking with her.

Hannah looked around the house that she grew up in, and it suddenly occurred to her that this would likely be the last time she’d ever see this place. She expected the grief to crush her, but all she could muster was bittersweet relief.

The money from Bradshaw came through mere days after she agreed to sell the ranch, so her debts were paid. There was no longer anything holding Hannah back.

Well, there was one last thing. John had come by one more time, begging Hannah to see him, but she refused. Now that she was leaving, she felt she owed him some explanation, so that he could at least move on with the life he truly wanted to lead.

She sat down, prepared to write one final letter at this table.

John,

I do not blame you for what happened with Agnes. I understand that you feel for her in a way you could not feel for me. I know it was not your intention to betray me. In spite of everything, I know you are a good man.

I have found someone to marry and am leaving Dallas for good. The ranch has been sold. We are no longer any of your concern.

I will be okay. Please do not come looking for me.

Hannah

Hannah picked up her suitcase and left the note by the front door, knowing John would see it if he came by again. It was finally time to go.