Chapter One

1860 – Lowden, Iowa

“If you keep baking like this, you’re going to make my husband rethink his choices, Jeanie.”

Lydia sat at her kitchen table, slowly peeling an apple. She spoke without truly looking at her friend, who had been working hard for most of the afternoon while Lydia sat slumped in that chair, one leg crossed over the other, bouncing her foot lazily. From the whole bushel of apples that she had been peeling, she hadn’t yet managed to peel the whole thing in one piece, but she was bound and determined to keep trying.

“You’re more than welcome to come and help me at any time, if you’re so worried about Matthew’s opinion,” Jeanie teased as she finished putting the final bit of lattice crust on her third apple pie. “Besides, you know when the men return, they’re going to have appetites like wolves.”

“That may be, but I don’t think there’s a single thing you’ve prepared that I can pass off as my own.” Lydia sighed and swept her long, curly blonde hair back and out of her face with the back of her hand.

“Well, then, come and season something, and you can claim whatever you like.”

Lydia’s smile spread slowly as she finally managed to get the peel almost all of the way off in one long, spiraled piece. “Well, we both know that Matthew didn’t marry me for my cooking skills, now did he?”

Jeanie gasped and attempted to hide her smile as she threw a piece of apple at her cheeky friend. “No, clearly, he married you for your wit.”

“I shall never apologize for that.” Lydia agreed, picking the piece of peel from where it had fallen on her dress and eating it happily. “Actually, I don’t think that I’ve thanked you properly for introducing Matthew and me. With our anniversary right around the corner, I want you to know how truly grateful I am to you.”

“Think nothing of it.” Jeanie smiled and moved to place the pie into the metal oven to bake. “You’re my friend, and I would do anything to make you happy. You know that.”

“Including making a whole feast, apparently.”

“I’m just excited for Oliver to come back, that’s all.”

Even as Jeanie said the words, she could feel the heat of her blush flushing her face. She tried to hide it, tried to keep her back turned to Lydia so that she wouldn’t tease her. Even just the thought of her fiancé back at her side once more brought butterflies to her stomach.

“Why aren’t you two married yet, again?” Lydia asked, leaning forward onto the table. Her elbow rested on the surface while her chin balanced on her palm. “You know, no matter when you get married, it will be a perfect union.”

Jeanie nodded. She couldn’t help but agree with her friend. She had spent so much of her life playing matchmaker for the people in town, as well as all of her dearest friends. But it was finally her turn.

“You know how men are,” she said. “Oliver wants to make sure that we have a place of our own to put down our roots. Says that he needs to be the very best man he can be before he makes an honest woman out of me.”

Lydia swooned dramatically at the table. “I’m just so happy that you’re happy. I’ve been making sure that my flower garden is ready for your wedding bouquet, I’ll have you know.”

“I don’t need anything fancy. You know that.”

“Don’t play modest with me! Everybody in that town owes you for something or another over the years. What better time to cash in your favors than for the wedding of your dreams? A girl is only married once, after all.”

“I think that I’m most excited for all of the things that come after,” Jeanie admitted, her gaze drifting out of the kitchen window and gazing over the farm. “I’m ready to run my own house. I’m ready to start my family…to have a farm of my own and see what the land yields and grow with Oliver.”

Lydia smiled. “You have it so bad for that boy, don’t you?”

Jeanie’s blush deepened in spite of herself. “Isn’t a girl supposed to like the man who is going to be her husband?”

Lydia’s smile only grew. “That might be true, but you’ll make me look bad for not falling all over myself toward my own husband in comparison.”

“You mean to sit there and tell me that you don’t miss Matthew just as much? As if it weren’t you sitting up late by the fire, wistfully staring out of the window until you got too sleepy to keep your eyes open?” Jeanie folded her arms across her chest, proving her point by just how flustered Lydia was alone.

“Yes. Well…you better not tell him that, or else I shall never hear the end of it.” Lydia huffed, bringing the peeled apples over to help Jeanie start to make cider.

“I will say that when Oliver and I build our house, we’ll make our countertops higher so that I don’t have to keep hunching over like this.”

“Well, we cannot all have long, perfect legs like yours, can we?” Lydia teased.

“I’m not that tall!” Jeanie protested, and Lydia made a face that implied she was very, very wrong. She knew that she was tall and lean; she had developed curves much later in life than many of the other girls in her class.

As they worked, Jeanie’s mind started to wander. Perhaps she was a touch too eager for the next chapter in her life. She didn’t much care if she had a fancy dress or a whole party afterward; no need to waste resources that other people ought to be saving for other things.

“I just want to get settled well before winter comes,” Jeanie continued. “That’s all. I want to make sure that we’re ready to spend those cold months together. I don’t mind the hard work. Really, I think it all just sounds…so romantic.”

Jeanie and Oliver hadn’t been courting long. She knew that, technically, the whole thing had been something of a whirlwind, but she didn’t care much, either. Her heart knew it was right, which was more than enough for her. The Lord had seen fit to put them together, and who was she to question such a blessing?

“You and I are very different creatures, Jeanie.” Lydia giggled and handed her friend another apple. “I do not dream of labor. It’s a thing that I’m forced to do against my will each and every day.”

She said the words without any sort of malice or actual irritation. They both knew what sort of life was required in a place like this. Jeanie jostled her friend with her shoulder playfully as they worked to add to the veritable feast they had already placed on the table behind them.

“Someday soon, you’ll have little ones running around this place, and you won’t even have time to think about labor because you’ll have your hands full with them,” Jeanie said, knowing very well that the dream she was speaking of for her friend was one that she also shared.

“I’ll be sure to have quite a few so they can help Matthew with the farm chores, and I don’t,” Lydia teased right back.

Both of their attention drifted out of the front window while they worked, and Lydia’s focus caught on a dust cloud kicking up in the distance. “Speak of the devil! We’ve summoned them.”

All thoughts of cider were instantly abandoned as the pair of women gathered up their skirts and started to run through the front door, their boots kicking up dirt of their own as they happily raced to meet their men at the gate.

Man.

Jeanie stopped short as she realized that only one horse was galloping toward the farm.

Lydia cried out happily as she swung open the metal gate and barely waited for Matthew to dismount before throwing herself at him. For all of the nonsense that came out of her mouth, she was madly in love with her husband. Lydia hadn’t even seemed to realize that Jeanie wasn’t running alongside her any longer.

Her heart was pounding in her throat. Nerves had grabbed hold of her so tightly that Jeanie couldn’t move, not even a single step.

She watched with unblinking eyes as Matthew pulled Lydia away, his hand wrapped around her small waist as they spoke. She observed her friend’s eyes widen and glance back in her direction before her hand cupped over the bottom half of her face. The reaction said it all. Jeanie knew. She knew what was coming before either of them even started to walk back toward her.

Every possible scenario unfolded as her mind desperately scrambled for a reason that would justify the existence of only one body instead of two. Oliver had just decided to stay and start working the land. He had no doubt sent Matthew back here to fetch her. In fact, Jeanie ought to march right into that house and start packing for herself because, clearly, Oliver loved the land so much that he needed her there as quickly as possible.

They didn’t need a fancy wedding. Just the parson would do. That would be enough. They could collect him in town and bring him with them and then…and then….

Why wouldn’t her feet work? She had packing to do!

Only Matthew and Lydia were growing close to her once more.

Matthew’s horse trailed slowly behind him, with a cut on its massive shoulder. Jeanie could see the bruise forming over Matthew’s left eye and the cut that was bleeding down his face from his temple, where someone or something had hit him hard. The saddlebags on either side of his horse were torn and clearly empty. He limped as he walked, and Lydia was right there under his arm to offer any support he might need to make it back to the house. Jeanie couldn’t breathe.

The pieces inside her mind were sliding together far too quickly for any logical sense, and she couldn’t believe it. She wouldn’t. Not if it meant that….

Still, even with tears swimming unshed in her eyes, she looked up at Matthew as he approached her, that somber look on his face, because some sick part of her needed to hear it. She needed to hear the words from his mouth to know that what had…happened.

“Jeanie…I’m…I’m so sorry,” Matthew started, but Jeanie had already stopped breathing. The tears started to fall silently down her face, sliding over her chin and neck because she couldn’t seem to stop them. “Oliver…he….” Matthew paused, choking up. “We were set upon by robbers on the road. He stood his ground, fought with the strength of three men…but he….” Matthew trailed off, seemingly caught up in his own memory for a while.

“He’s just trailing behind?” Jeanie asked, a last-ditch attempt to find a positive.

Matthew shook his head and reached for her shoulder. He likely offered her words of condolences. They were the words she would have said if the position were reversed, but instead, all she could hear was a high-pitched ringing as something inside her snapped. She was vaguely aware of the world spinning, of the sky moving from its supposed position as she swayed, her body tilting precariously as she slipped.

It took both Matthew and Lydia to catch her in time to keep her from fainting entirely.

Her whole future was gone. The man that she loved—who loved her—was gone. Had he been left in the middle of nowhere for the crows? It was too much, and her mind couldn’t take it. She was aware that she was breathing too fast, that her skin felt too tight over her bones, and she couldn’t think. Everything was hazy, her eyes blurry from tears as panic gripped her even tighter.

How was she supposed to go on? What sort of life could she lead now?

If Oliver was….

His face was the last image her mind provided before plunging her into unconsciousness.

Chapter Two

1860 – Outside Lowden, Iowa

“This just don’t seem right,” Jeremiah said, rocking back and forth with a screaming one-year-old trying everything in his little power to kick and squirm away from the ranch hand.

“Dada!” he babbled, fat tears rolling down his cheeks.

Poor Elias was going to cry himself right to sleep at this rate. He kept reaching for Logan, wanting his father, a gesture that was slowly wearing him down. But Logan knew that if he took him out of his cousin’s arms, he was likely to never leave, and he had already lost the better part of the daylight as it was.

Jeremiah frowned, trying again, in vain, to calm Elias down. “Even the little one doesn’t want you to leave; it’s clear as day.”

“It’s only a couple of weeks,” Logan answered, trying his best not to pay too much attention to the guilt growing inside him as he rubbed his gloved hand down over the stubble covering the lower half of his face.

He took a moment to look out over the land that he was going to turn into his home, the place where he wanted to raise his son and leave a legacy for him to inherit. It was all that he wanted for the both of them: land as far as the eye could see, a good little house. With hard work, he knew that he could have a good, plentiful life here.

“Three weeks, cousin,” Jeremiah continued, gesturing widely as he spoke. “Three whole weeks. What am I supposed to do?”

“I’ve left you a list of what you need to do.” Logan sighed, adjusting the buckle on his belt and picking up his hat. It had certainly seen better days; the brim was sun-faded, but he wouldn’t part with it. Had far too many memories with his hat.

“You can’t expect me to be in charge of the ranch in your stead, and a baby!” Jeremiah protested loudly as Logan moved to the door. He knew that if he stopped moving, he was just as likely to never start again. If he didn’t finish this…. Well, he didn’t have a choice but to finish.

The whole time that he was checking over his horse and making sure that things were as they needed to be and his saddlebags had enough supplies for his trip, Jeremiah was hovering just over his shoulder every single step of the way. He kept making noises of protest that were all somehow even louder than the cries that Elias was making. All it was doing was serving to make an already difficult choice just that much harder.

“Do you not hear me?” Jeremiah protested again.

“I can hear you. The cows can hear you. Hell, I reckon that the moon can hear you,” Logan groused.

“You’re asking too much of me,” Jeremiah insisted.

“So, what you’re saying is that you aren’t capable of doing your job?” Logan paused his work just long enough to ask the question with an arched brow that was barely visible under the wide brim of his hat.

“What? No. That’s not what I—”

“Then you’ll be just fine,” Logan continued, tousling Elias’s curly hair before moving forward. It killed him to leave his son even for a single day, but what choice did they have? Certainly no good options. “You and I both know this journey’s going to help the whole farm.”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“No buts about it. If I can find a buyer for the cattle quickly, then I’ll be back sooner,” Logan offered, but while the words were meant to be comforting, he knew that Jeremiah wasn’t going to hear anything he said.

He’d been over this plan again and again, and this was the best option. He couldn’t exactly run a whole farm on his own and care for a child. It was exactly why he was doing this.

He had quite a few head of cattle to herd over to the neighboring town to find a buyer. If he managed to sell them all, he would be financially secure for a few years and could have enough help to have the farm run more smoothly. Then, he could dedicate the time needed to properly raise his son.

“If you would just get a governess—”

“Don’t start with that again. I won’t hear it,” Logan interrupted, cutting him off.

That was the last thing that he needed. He had enough mouths to find a way to feed as it was. When he’d been a rancher, he might have been able to put enough money away to keep things rolling for a while, but it was foolish to think that it would be enough to stay sustainable forever. But it was going to be real hard to do that now that he was a farmer.

“If it’s just because you don’t want another woman around…it’ll happen eventually. Just because—”

Logan stopped short, whipping around to face Jeremiah. “I’m tolerant about most of your lip, but those next few words better not be what I think they’re going to be, or else we’re going to have an issue.”

Every moment of every day, he was haunted by the memory of his wife. It had taken him such a long time to even be able to look into his son’s face without seeing the same high cheekbones and dimpled chin of his late wife. Even though it had been over a year now since she had stood with him on this land, the pain hadn’t just gone away. He was starting to think that it would never truly lessen.

“I have a point, and you know it!” Jeremiah spoke more softly now that Elias was starting to fall asleep on his shoulder, and he never stopped rocking even once, all the while. “If there were a governess here, then you wouldn’t have a single thing to worry about! I could handle all of the day-to-day, and there would be enough hands for little Elias.”

“I don’t want to have another woman here in my house,” Logan said firmly. With a final long look at Elias, he mounted his horse. “I’ve said my piece. I meant it.”

“I could find somebody to come and stay with the boy while you’re gone. You just need to say the word and I’ll take care of everything!”

Logan’s gaze narrowed. There was no way that he was going to come home to some strange woman here in his house. Least of all was he going to allow some stranger around his son when he’d not even met her first.

“Settle down. I didn’t mean no harm by it.” Jeremiah sighed. “You’ll have to have a woman here sooner or later. It’s—”

“Don’t,” Logan warned, the leather of the reins creaking in his hands as he tightened his grip.

“It’s been over a year, Logan. Maybe it’s time to move on,” Jeremiah said anyway.

It wasn’t the first time he’d heard such a suggestion, and he knew it wasn’t likely to be the last. However, there was a specific anger that flared up in him each time he heard it. How was he supposed to move on and still look his son in the face? He had so many more important things to worry about that didn’t have anything to do with finding another woman to just have around the house when he was more than capable of looking after his own son.

But saying those words again and again wasn’t going to get him anywhere at all. It was a dead-end conversation, and Jeremiah was just going to end up with another argument.

His jaw clenched tightly as he struggled to fight against the irritation. Elias was asleep now, drooling softly onto Jeremiah’s shoulder as his cousin swayed. He knew his cousin would stand there until he was well out of sight.

He did feel bad for placing such a burden on his cousin’s shoulders. He knew he was asking a lot, but this trip would ensure that the whole lot of them were secure enough until he could figure out the next part of his plan. The only thing that mattered was ensuring that Elias was well cared for—nothing else.

Logan’s aunt had told him all that he needed to know about raising kids, as far as he was concerned, and her town was only a half day’s ride away as it was. If he needed help, he knew that he could go to her, and she would be happy to help him. However, that was only a short-term resolution to the problem at hand. This was something that he needed to do for himself. He couldn’t rely on her all of the time; she had a life and work of her own to attend to.

“I’ll be back in a week’s time. You can do this. I wouldn’t charge you with more than you could handle,” Logan reminded him as he spurred his horse forward slowly. “And no more talk of hiring nobody. You spend your own money fast enough without permission to spend mine, too.”

The same thoughts just kept circling around and around inside Logan’s head as he raced off on horseback toward town. It would be the first stop on his journey, but he didn’t have overly high hopes about finding a buyer that quickly. Everything hinged on that. Setting up a secure future for Elias was the only thing that got him up out of bed most mornings. Everything was for him. Knowing that securing this buyer was going to ensure their future was the only reason that he could stomach the idea of leaving him at all.

He already missed his son.

Logan just had to hope that he was doing the right thing.